慎心堂

8/3

Now I learn why masochists need to be suffocated to get the feeling of ecstasy, because once you were released from the life –threathening situation you went into raptures-that’s their ways of getting pleasure. I wonder if this is the game I am going to play right now—to force myself into despair and then get reborn? Always I was too timid to make such dangerous attempts . How can I give up the things I have and expect otherwise? It will make me feel extreme plain if I do that , so maybe I need the help of a sadist to torture me until I regain the strength to create the joys for myself. How low will that be ? Could perish even before I was rescued? That ight not be the bet I should take before thinking twice .

  1. masochist-受虐狂

2.ecstasy-忘形; 恍惚

3.rapture-全神貫注, 出神

4.despair-斷念; 死心

5.attempt-嘗試

6.suffocate-使壓抑; 受阻

8/11

The power that was jump-started at first by the longing for an amorous encounter has ceased to work miracles. yet, it continues to drive me upward. i no longer harbor the illusion that i could morph into a successful seeker for twin soulmates, simply for the reason that i was unable to find anyone who would like to play my game, who would like to apply their minds to explore the world created by not⋯⋯

so notorious people. the funny thing is you always didn't know what you are until you failed, or you were jilted. in fact, the glorious moment came only after you survived the emotional trauma and went through the setback. so, why expect otherwise? in those episodes, you got either doom or gloom. only when you re-live that experience with your aesthetic efforts to make it a show of majesty can you obtain ecstasy.

Ecstasy-出神,入迷

Gloom-使昏暗,模糊,憂鬱

Boom-日益興隆,快速發展

8/13

what people in the know should do when they learn those not in the know are trying to show others that they are in the know? laughing it off? or shrugging it off? in many cases of these "righteousness withers away and evil rules the land". trying to change that risks being left alone to do the impossible. but you don't know the danger of it until you found your path was beset by the tyranny of evil men. so you must outmaneuver them before you take the plunge.

    1.Beset-圍攻, 包圍

     2.Plunge-全心投入; 全神貫注於…

3.Tyranny-專制政治, 暴政

4.Outmaneuver-以謀略制勝, 智勝

Comment:I just watched the great show which wisely performed once's outmaneuver

thoughtout the battle for a successful win. That was the guy  well known for 

his talent in acknowledge of character for human.  

the ego in you is the thing you can't see, yet you show it every time you say something or write something. so, the only way to keep your ego invisible is silence yourself. unfortunately, that's the last thing i would do. as a result, everybody knew i am egocentric to a fault. still, i puzzle people by disguising myself as a baseball player, a baseball coach, a table tennis player, a soft tennis player, a painter and a sculptor in my fictions. without examining these characters carefully, you can never learn who i am.

              Egocentric-自我中心的, 自我本位的

Comment: That’s true you’re disguising several characters but it also a key to obtain the standout knowledge of expertise .We’re fond to read those beautiful words and that's the wellspring of wisdom. be meek. with my acute sense of loneliness, there is not a ghost of a chance for me to say i am my own master. that's why i remain in limbo, still trying to find an identity that eluded me for so long. did i feel sorry for this? No. in fact, this pathetic hope is behind my many exertions. from time to time, i was soothed by the tender in music, comforted by the completion of my works. no other things could enthrall me like this. so, tell me, am i happy or not?

th my pride, i can never dom. 

1.Meek-忍耐的; 謙恭的; 溫和的   

2.acute-劇痛的; 敏銳的, 厲害的 

3.Elude-逃避, 逃脫

4.Exertion -費力, 盡力, 行使

5.Enthrall-迷惑; 迷住

  Comment : Sometime music is sentimental doctor can cure sorrow without any effort and retrospect our mind by gently .